" I don't mean to be prejudiced but..."

I was helping a friend film her interview for her TV assignment and I was in for a shock.

The weather that morning was harsh and I thought to myself that the day could not get any worse. 

 The ridiculous  transport system in Medway further ruined my day. 

 You wake up and check the bus times like any reasonable human being before stepping out into the cold and you hope that you will only wait for a couple of minutes but then it decides to just NOT COME. 

My over dramatic mind was yelling "I waited for you Mr. bus, why did you fail me in this biting cold"                                                     Mr. bus finally came and things began to look up, we were on our way and it couldn't possibly get worse.

We finally arrived at the lady's house for the interview. Her house seemed like a realistic fairytale, it had a hint of perfect amount of of warmth I needed. The Christmas tree wasn't too modern, it felt just right. 

We began the interview with a little technical setback but it all seemed okay. She was talking about her son who was an addict and it was really moving. He had the kind of rough life you would see in movies it was too sad for me. I was a bit emotional but I was very still as I was still a cameraman after all. 

Then, she was talking about how it was really difficult for her son to get proper care and I was like damn you government- in my mind of course, as I was very moved at the little medical attention her son had gotten. 

I felt very powerless, I wanted to do something but what could I do, her son was still out there but she said she wouldn't be surprised if the police had knocked on her door to tell her that he was dead. 

Now for the juicy bit:

I am still quite young but as a person of colour / child of immigrant/ everything the BNP hates, I am really happy to say that I haven’t really come across prejudicial comments until today. I mean the occasional stares, people being unwilling to sit beside me on the bus and the regular ignorant questions have been all I had to deal with. Maybe they say them behind my back but to my face, nah man.

Just a quick reminder, I was only the cameraman nothing else just a polite cameraman.

She then turned to me with spiteful eyes and said, “I don't mean to be prejudiced but people like YOU who come here reduce the chances of my son getting the care that he needs.”

I was stunned, I did not know what to say and I’m usually very vocal but at that particular point I was mute. All I could do was sigh.

What evidence did she have to back up her statement, so because my parents migrated to this country decades ago I am now the reason her son is a crack addict. What does one say after that. I was frozen, I mean I was already still from holding the camera but there was a slight pause in my nervous system. 

Seconds later, I started to boil, it was a cold day, her house was warm but not enough to stop the occasional shiver. I started to boil. 

Did I deserve that comment?

Am I to blame for her son’s situation?

What do I do or say?

I just sighed again, after all I was in her house and I didn’t want to disrespect her presence or loose sight of what we came to do as my friend still had to finish her interview. 

“Well I’m here now and I can’t go back on my stereotypical boat to some village to make you feel better.” I said in my mind.

Maybe it is illiteracy that made her look me in the eye and blame me. But am I angry at her or myself?

I am honestly a bit disappointed in myself because now that lady thinks she has the right to say that to another person expecting the same treatment.

 Is this how it feels to be powerless?

Is this something that I will continue to feel?